Kyne's Notes

Revising The White Phial

Long before I finished writing The White Phial, I made up my mind to go back at some point and make some final revisions. Not so much to update my old writing style or change the structure of the story, but mostly to fix small but crucial details.

These details were mostly about keeping the characters consistent. Tirel in particular needed work; in some ways he became a different person from what I first imagined, which led to an awkward and clunky transition between the Tirel you first meet in chapter 16 and the Tirel he becomes in later scenes. I tweaked his early dialogue so that he always feels like the same person.

I also had to make further tweaks for Mehra. Originally I imagined Mehra as a capable fighter, but she quickly evolved into a very different character– younger, more vulnerable, someone whose strengths lay in other areas. While I decided it was reasonable for Mehra to have some experience with the sword, giving her skill with a bow was a step too far. She never even used her bow in the story, so that weapon was edited out.

Perhaps the biggest change of all has to do with the Dragonborn unleashing a Thu’um for the first time. Originally The White Phial followed the game on this: the Dragonborn absorbs the soul of a dragon in Whiterun, and suddenly they know fus and can throw it around at will. But how does the Dragonborn know fus? All other Shouts are learned from Word Walls or the Greybeards, so where does fus come from? The revised chapter 6 digs into this a bit and suggests what’s really going on.

Some long-time readers might remember and prefer the original story before all the changes. For them and anyone who’s curious, I’ve uploaded an archived version of The White Phial as it was before the July 2019 edits.

Once again I owe a great deal to my husband for beta-reading everything a second time (maybe even a third or fourth time) and offering his own suggestions and edits. The White Phial is still the same story– it’s just a little cleaner and more consistent now. I hope you enjoy it!

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