Kyne's Notes

The White Phial: Evolution of Chapter One

The first chapter of The White Phial went through a lot of drafts.

Originally Mehra was going to meet Rumarin the way you do in the Interesting NPCs mod, up in a pocket-sized Nord crypt called Yorgrim Overlook. The encounter is fun, but I struggled to translate it into a written scene I could be happy with. For one thing, I couldn’t convince myself that Mehra would have a good reason to seek out this little ruin.

Still, I kinda like the bit where Mehra is trying to decide whether it’s worth hauling a horned helmet back to Windhelm. She asks Rumarin how much he thinks the helm is worth:

Rumarin glanced at the helm again. “Oh, maybe fifty septims? The real question is, will it fit in your bag?”

“It won’t.” Mehra sighed and got to her feet. “So then the question becomes, is a loss of dignity worth fifty septims?” She pushed back her hood and placed the helm on her head.

“It’s crooked.” Rumarin adjusted the helm so that it sat level on her head. He took a step back, put a hand to his chin, and tried to look serious. “No, I’m afraid even I wouldn’t settle for fifty septims. An indignity of this sort demands at least seventy-five.”

Things improved when they stepped into Candlehearth Hall. The tavern setting had more to work with– Mehra reacting to a song about the Dragonborn, Rumarin snarking about Black-Briar mead, eavesdroppers, etc. Mehra was even going to do the fisticuffs thing with Rolff and trick him into falling down the stairs, but that whole exchange never felt right.

Rather than struggle on with the Yorgrim Overlook scene, I decided to have them meet in Candlehearth Hall instead. But there were new questions that needed answering: Why do they start talking to each other in the first place? Sure, it’s reasonable for them to meet in a tavern, and sure, they could start a conversation that leads to an adventure. But what’s driving it all? What’s the problem that needs solving, and why do they need each other to do it?

This led to Mehra wanting to recruit someone to help her find the White Phial, but later I switched it so Rumarin is the one who needs a partner. At first Rumarin needed the reward money because he was broke and Ulundil and Arivanya were about to kick him out of their one-room house. But Gary (my husband/beta reader) said that wasn’t enough; before he could feel invested in the character and believe in the urgency of the mission, Rumarin had to be up against something far worse.

So I looked into Rumarin’s dialogue again for other ideas. As it happens, he makes references to some shady stuff– smuggling, forgery, etc. Just enough to suggest a Han Solo situation where he has to pay off a big debt because he screwed up a smuggling job.

The catalyst for adding J’zargo to the mix was Stenvar, the mercenary guy at Candlehearth Hall. In a throwaway scene where Mehra was actively looking for a companion, Rumarin sorta, kinda tried to pass himself off as a mage (hey, look, a coin trick!). Stenvar eavesdropped, knew Rumarin by reputation, and told Mehra that this guy is a flimflam, oh by the way, you wanna hire somebody with real muscles? That was kinda fun, but it seemed like it would be even more fun if the scene had a character who takes magic seriously and thinks it’s just awful that this elf is passing himself off as a College mage. So J’zargo was brought on board and Stenvar became the unnamed Nord that Rumarin pesters at the start of the chapter.

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